4:09 pm, February 5, 2024
Feeling so lonely. I've been in a lot of online communities over the years (lately the main one I hang out in is the true crime community), and yet I don't feel any sense of community. How pathetic is that? Being an outsider in the group of outsiders... [Update Feb. 6: I took the last part of this out because I felt like it was a bit mean. I still stand by what I said but the person I was talking about definitely means well and I feel bad. I think I was just generally upset yesterday.]

The loneliness and feeling of being ignored really does hurt though. I rely on the internet for this stuff because I really have no interest or enjoyment for social interaction in real life, especially because talking about my interests as much as I want isn't really socially acceptable (even more so because I've been so fixated on Dylann Roof lately...)

I'm also taking a communications class, which is required for my degree (it's an associates of art though, so I'm not too sure why it'd be required...), but so far all of the written assignments involve using examples from our realy lives. The thing is, I haven't experienced most of the stuff we talk about, not that I can think of. For example, this week I have to write 3 "specific personal examples of times when choice of language lead to positive or negative results in your own interpersonal relationships", but I can't think of a single one.

I'm also working on an essay for my english class. It's an analysis of Watershed by Tracy K. Smith. It's a really good poem about this company that contaminated the local water supply with PFOA. Anyways, we have to do this thing where we peer review two of our classmates' essays. I swear, one of the essays I was assigned was most definitely AI generated! So fcking annoying...

I think this is the last English class I'll have to take. I really suck in classes like english and communications. I did significantly better in my programming and math classes last semester... In the third week of March I'm starting a class about mass and serial killers. Slightly disappointing that I think it focuses more on serial killers (I'm most knowledgeable and interested in shooters), but it'll still be fun. I'm most excited to see who else thought it'd be a good idea to sign up for the night class about murderers. My prediction is that there will definitely be some older women who are just interested in true crime. I go to community college in a town with a lot of retirees, so a lot of the classes are older people just looking for something to do. This isn't a complaint in any way btw, I feel like I get along with older people way better than other teenagers.

Changing the topic, Thomas Erak (The Fall of Troy) and Vin Accardi (Brand New) remind me of each other a bit. They're both really cool, really good guitarists. Joined their bands at around the same age, had the same hair at the beginning of their careers (Vin had a streak of blonde in his hair at one point but I don't really feel like getting a picture at the time of writing. I'll add it next to the photo of Thomas later.), and sort of odd, long curly hair when they got older.


^ MR. FALL OF TROY idk he always reminded me of Vin in this picture. I'll grab a picture of Vin later so you all can see what I mean.
[Update Feb. 6: I put a picture of William Beckett too just cos I like this one and I remembered it today when I was looking through the gallery on my cellphone. I put a picture of Vin. More specifically a random screenshot from a video I had because the real picture I was thinking of is somewhere on flickr and not on my computer like I thought. I also have a gif that I found on tumblr from the Jude Law video:]



LE SSERAFIM comeback is soon. I'm definitely going to try to get Sakura's compact cd, and possibly Eunchae's. I'll need to look at the regular album versions to decide which ones to get. I used to be really interested in getting every version of a kpop album, but luckily I've just been focusing on the one's I really like lately. I wanted to get itzy's album because I think Yuna looks really beautiful with red hair, but I couldn't find it at target, and I don't feel like spending $30+ on it on amazon. I might just buy a poster and her individual photocard separately.

Also I've updated a lot of my about page. I really like it! I have a separate one linked on my tumblr that's more mobile friendly, but I really like the main one better, so I might change the mobile one to look more like the main one. The issue with it though is that it's a bit difficult to make a sidebar format like that one look good on mobile.

Valentine's day is soon and I've been meaning to update my Valentine's page. I also need to finish uploading the full Mary Holiday story. It's just difficult because it's so long...

[Update April 3: Took out more petty complaining]

Some songs for you all, two of them I put on the page I wrote the other day, but I'm still listening to them
(again, possible volume warning)

1. Tom Waits

2. I Just Got This Symphony Goin'

3. Macaulay McCulkin