fourty-four caliber


Cal/Calle ⌖ 18/F/USA
neocities.org/site/postscript
tumblr: pennknifelovelife
last.fm/user/degaussser
70x7@null.net
spotify

the more friends you have,
the more you know,
the closer you are to divinity...






Human Population:

feeling: The current mood of Cal at www.imood.com
A not-so-ironic emo elitist, slightly cool webmaster, intp, a veteran enjoyer of internet bloodsports and lolcow connoisseur, member of the Church of Euthanasia, Tumblr user since 2014, convinced that I've died and my soul went to internet heaven. If you wish to contact me specifically regarding my upcoming suicide, please fill out this forum. I'm an absolute slut for deletion of data via assisted suicide.

If this page looks weird and/or unreadable, you're probably either reading on a cellphone, or I accidentally broke the page while updating it (again)

for if you want to know everything...
i like:

alt.suicide.holiday _ the church of euthanasia _ true crime (specifically mass shootings) _ domo kun _ little big planet _ old livejournal threads and edgy encyclopedia dramatica articles _ kpop girl groups _ sanrio _ online interaction! _ close-knit odd little communities _ overwatch _ early 2010's youtube (and just late 2000's and early 2010's internet in general) _ 12 oz mouse

Stereotypical Trial Existential Phishing Heresiologist. Amalgamation of New Idol Effigies. (stephanie lawson stevens) _ dylann roof... _ valerie solanas _ han seohee (한서희. not to be confused with actress han sohee) _ nikki catsouras _ OO390

brand new _ carissa's wierd _ mewithoutyou _ the fall of troy _ le sserafim _ twice _ newjeans _ armor for sleep _ the academy is... _ loona _ a heartwell ending _ cursive _ taking back sunday _ the hotelier _ la dispute _ title fight _ ...among many other similar bands

the bell jar _ choke (palahniuk) _ east of eden _ how to murder your life _ zero day (2003) _ anatomy of hell (2004) _ lilya 4-ever (2002)

salvador ramos. obviously killing people is bad but i hate him specifically more than anyone. _ 95% of internet humor after 2020 _ the current state of the suicidal internet (places like shtwt and shblr). i'm not here to make memes, i'm here because i'm going to kill myself. _ anyone who makes fun of alt.suicide.holiday or turns it into an aesthetic _ any other teenager outside of the internet _ phony self-proclaimed lolcow and encyclopedia dramatica enjoyers who really only know who chris chan is an no one else _ tiktok emos and/or people who claim to know what "real emo" is and then proceed to call it a fashion style that's "like scene but less colorful" (yes these people really exist!!) _ anyone who engages in cnc, rape fantasies, etc.





















































00:00
0:00
1. Bright Eyes - The Center Of The World

2. Pianos Become The Teeth - Hiding

3. Title Fight - Safe In Your Skin + Where Am I

4. The Hotelier - Discomfort Revisited

5. Counterfit - Better Late Than Never

6. Brand New - 1996

She was just 17
Pious and pretty with a deadly disease
And the weight of the world on her prosthetic shoulder
And by the summer of '96
Her body was cracked like porcelain
Just like some precious moments collectible
In a hospital gown and a big bright golden halo...


And so three cheers for my morose and grieving pals
And now let's hear it for the tears that i've welled up
We've come too far to have to give it all up now
We live lives that are rich and blessed
And we'll burn for how we transgress...

Now i've mastered the art
Of the open casket prayer and the singing guitar
And i've found the rewards weren't half what i'd hoped for
And meanwhile we all feigned hope and mirth
As her parents went on and lied to her
All about the success of the surgeries
And how my ex-girlfriend was now sleeping with her fiancé

If there's any justice in heaven
Then God won't let me in
He'll lock the gates and take my weekend pass away
With a sympathetic wave they'll see me off
Reserve my golden crown while I am cursed to walk the earth for a millenia
I know I deserve worse but it terrifies me and I can't take it anymore...



7. Carissa's Wierd - Ignorant Piece of Shit

8. Carissa's Wierd - Low Budget Soundtrack...

9. Silverstein - Last Days Of Summer

10. Brand New - Tautou

11. Brand New - Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades

12. Brand New - I Will Play My Game Beneath The Spin Light

13. The Fall of Troy - I Just Got This Symphony Goin'

All alone and now it feels so hopeless
With the temporary blood that you draw
Keep in mind when I'm trying to hold this together
now you're gone and I'm wasting away...

And no! we can't deny it!
Look in my eyes! it's you I confide in!
and now that I am trying, words I choke back! we can't deny it!

Your eyes watching me like a camera
Overexposure to these kind of days...
And the film was surreal as the dream was
Shooting stars and galactic fates

Wait another day
for my mind to change
Con your way out of this! and make mistakes!
I'll stand by this...

Wait another day...
Can't find the words to say
I know! I need! to see you! and feel you!
These days just aren't the way they used to be...

Scream out my name!!!

Wait! we're whole again...
You were my pride...
but where have you been!?
(Fullforce!!) Fullforce!! (Fullforce!!)
Look up ahead!!
(Mayday!!) Mayday!! (Mayday!!)
We're already dead...

And no! we can't deny it!
Look in my eyes! it's you!! I confide in!!
and now that I am trying, words I choke back! we can't deny it!



14. The Fall of Troy - Macaulay McCulkin

With a black heart undercover, watching you sleep every night. "I wish you'd watch me too..." We're made for each other!
Honey, if you only knew. Every night I'm watching you...

Shut up you're talking too loud for me to not listen
This operation's gotten old, the face I stole,
the gun of lust shot through your soul, and all that's left is empty holes

Mom and dad can't help you anymore! Get in the car we'll drive far to the edge of the shore,
under the docks, on top of the rocks. KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! Why the fuck are the doors locked!?

Maybe she forgot about our talks, or maybe I'm mistaken,
but I swear to God that she's not getting out of this without some kind of explanation!
Oh, I'm straining on your patience!? Maybe scaring you a little!?
Just because I came to visit doesn't mean you have to hide...
I'll be waiting on the side of your house,
with an empty body bag...
AND A LOADED .45!!!!

AND NOW YOU WON'T FORGET
MY FUCKING NAME!!!!!!



15. Brand New - Batter Up