profile...
A not-so-ironic emo elitist, slightly cool (not really) webmaster, intp, a veteran enjoyer of internet bloodsports and lolcow connoisseur, member of the Church of Euthanasia, Tumblr user since 2014, recluse, convinced that I've died and my soul went to internet heaven. There's not a lot to know about me or my life. I spend most of my time by myself at home, usually only leaving the house once or twice a week, and the only people I know in my life are all women at least thirty years older than me, so I'm a bit (very) socially inept. You'd think someone with this much free time would be able to get a lot done when it comes to hobbies and such, but truthfully I spend all day on the internet mindlessly.

These things pique my interest, use them to judge my character: church of euthanasia, alt.suicide.holiday, emo/post-hardcore (brand new <3 + carissa's wierd, the fall of troy, the hotelier, cursive, + many others), kpop girl groups, late 90s - early 2000s internet, true crime is cool but i'm interested most in the 2015 charleston church shooting (p.s. just because i research something doesn't mean i condone it. it's stupid that i have to say this.), kpop girl groups (twice, loona, le sserafim, and new jeans i really like lately), Zero Day (2003), Lilya 4-Ever (2002), anatomy of hell (2004), the bell jar, choke (palahniuk)

Sometimes I decide that I don't like this website and have the urge to throw it all away

I'm really into spending money on things that really have no meaning or value. A trip to the mall means sanrio blind boxes and cute but overpriced stuffed animals and kpop albums when I'm really only interested in the photocards. It's cute looking plastic figures and scraps of paper with a pretty kpop idol on them (if you're curious, I'm mostly interested in collecting Momo from Twice). They're probably worth no where near how much I've spent on them, yet when I see them sitting on my desk, I can't help but stare and smile and decide I want more.

I've been in the "true crime community" on tumblr for about a year or so now and have slowly been trying to separate myself from it, even though it's one of my main interests that still has somewhat of an active community talking about it (although, the tcc feels more dead than ever right now). My main issue is how easy it is to become disillusioned with what actually happens in the cases people talk about. People start to see these as fictional events committed by fictional characters. When I went back and read through Dylann Roof's psych evaluations for the first time in a while, I felt sick to my stomach. It's like I had spent so long seeing memes and edits and all this stuff that I had started to forget how unbelievably depressing everything really was. My issue isn't just people idolizing and glorifying and falling in love with killers, it's how easy it is for cases to be trivialized when people joke so much about them that the way they talk about killers starts to become completely disconnected with the reality of the situation.

frequently asked questions...
What is your website? / Did you make this website? 44caliber.net + yes. you'd be surprised at how often i get this question when it's literally the first link on my tumblr

are you going to kill yourself and/or someone else? no

are you a hybristophile? no

do you know what jesse lacey did? yes, so please stop trying to remind me. i've written thousands of words about brand new, so obviously i'm going to know that

where do you get the information/pictures that are used on your Brand New page? archives of brandnewrock.com on the wayback machine, old livejournal threads, reddit, tumblr, and occasionally flickr. i try to make sure that there are multiple mentions/sources about a specific event before i put it on the page in order to keep everything fairly accurate

why are you interested in dylann roof? / how do you know so much about him? / do you condone his beliefs/actions? There are two specific things that caused me to start researching him in July 2023: 1. The ADL lists Dylann's haircut as a "hate symbol". I found it comical and started to look into the Charleston church shooting a bit more. 2. A very ridiculous and fake letter angrily addressing his fangirls that was posted to Tumblr. I believed it at first until someone else a week or two later posted a handwriting comparison. In retrospect, it really is completely unbelievable. "Girls" is written as "grils" and the end quotes his website, despite him having been in jail for two years and probably not being able to remember word for word what he had written. But what had truly sparked my interest was Rachel Lofton's evaluation. It's a very odd feeling to be researching a killer and realizing that you've lived an almost identical life to them. I'm not too sure the exact reason why I find him more interesting as opposed to other killers. As to how I know so much about him, I simply have just read through a bunch of things like court documents and psych evaluations, as opposed to a lot of people I've encountered on tumblr who mainly only know what other people have posted and haven't done any research themselves. I research various other topics too, but since having an extreme interest in one killer seems a bit odd to some people, it's really the only one that people ask about. I've been obsessed with Brand New for years and written thousands of words about them, but people never think of it as strange. Essentially what I'm trying to say is that my habit of researching topics extensively doesn't just apply to the Charleston church shooting. And now one of the most important things I have to say: I do not support Dylann Roof's actions in the slightest. I don't condone the actions of any killers, and I will never take inspiration and commit an attack on my own. I understand that people are likely to be concerned about me or someone like me who takes interest in true crime because of the amount of mass killings that were inspired by others, so I do feel the need to clarify that I do not support or am a "fan" of any killers.

how/when/why did you join the tcc? I first found out about the tcc in probably around 2016 when one of those edgy commentator youtubers (leafyishere maybe?) made a video on Lynn Ann, an eccentric woman who is very much in love with Eric Harris. I've always been sort of interested in small, slightly odd online communities, even when I don't really care about what the actual community is about. At this point, I had already been on Tumblr for about two years when I started lurking in the tcc. It's not every day that you see things like someone visiting the Columbine memorial dressed as Eric Harris, or a girl with the names of killers tattooed along her ribs, or a girl claiming that she visited Dylann Roof in prison and got pregnant by him. I eventually lost interest in the tcc for a couple years until late 2022 when I saw the film Zero Day. Posting about it on my tumblr eventually led people in the tcc to finding my blog. As mentioned before, I became very interested in the Charleston Church shooting after seeing my newfound mutuals post about him. One post about Yuka Takaoka and ~five posts about Dylann Roof later, I finally got banned on tumblr for the first time. I consider this the point in time where I sort of accidentally joined the tcc, since almost all of the people to follow my new blog and actually reblog the post I made trying to find my old mutuals were in the tcc. Another three tumblr bans later, I'm finally considering really leaving the tcc. This will probably sound overdramatic and trivial, but it makes me upset that I can't post about my interests at all without getting banned. My last blog was banned after one day because I made one post slightly mentioning Dylann Roof. I didn't use tags or mention his name at all, so I know it was one of those people whose entire blog is dedicated to how much they hate the tcc obsessively keeping track of who they can mass report until they finally get frustrated with tumblr and leave permanently. A lot of the only people I really liked in the tcc are gone forever because of this, and it hurts to know that I will probably never be able to talk to them again.