January 27, 2023 / The Fall of Troy - Doppelganger (full album)
I Just Got This Symphony Goin'
All alone and now it feels so hopeless
With the temporary blood that you draw
Keep in mind when I'm
trying to hold this together
now you're gone and I'm wasting away...

And no, we can't deny it
Look in my eyes, it's you I confide in
and now that I am trying
words I choke back, we can't deny it...

Your eyes, watching me like a camera
Overexposure to these kind of days
And the dream was surreal
as the film was
Shooting stars and galactic fates

Wait another day
for my mind to change
Con your way out of this
and make mistakes... I'll stand by this...

Wait another day
Can't find the words to say
I know I need to see you and feel you
These days just aren't
the way they used to be

Scream out my name!!!

Wait! we're whole again...
You were my pride,
but where have you been!?
(Fullforce) Fullforce (Fullforce)!!!
Look up ahead!!
(Mayday) Mayday (Mayday)!!!
We're already dead...


Mouths Like Sidewinder Missiles

Laces Out, Dan!

Interrupt this call...
Reasons seem to be incomprehensible,
but it's not you or me. This is what I see,
something here is wrong,
someone here is wrong!!!

(Wash your hands of me!
I don't care anymore!!!
You wanna play these games!?
I wanna wipe that smile off of your face!!)

Look in my eye!!!
Do you think that I was joking?
Are you really that unprepared!?
Do you think that I am joking?

Macaulay McCulkin

With a black heart undercover, watching you sleep every night. "I wish you'd watch me too..." We're made for each other!
Honey, if you only knew. Every night I'm watching you...

Shut up you're talking too loud for me to not listen
This operation's gotten old, the face I stole,
the gun of lust shot through your soul, and all that's left is empty holes

Mom and dad can't help you anymore! Get in the car we'll drive far to the edge of the shore,
under the docks, on top of the rocks. KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! Why the fuck are the doors locked!?

Maybe she forgot about our talks, or maybe I'm mistaken,
but I swear to God that she's not getting out of this without some kind of explanation,
Oh, I'm straining on your patience!? Maybe scaring you a little!?
Just because I came to visit doesn't mean you have to hide.
I'll be waiting on the side of your house,
With an empty body bag
AND A LOADED .45!!!!

December 14, 2023 / alexisonfire - pulmonary archery

December 3, 2023 / pianos become the teeth - hiding

There's no good in your eyes anymore, and it makes you want to drive home drunk and alone
You bitch and moan more than most about where you think your life will take you
but you can't stay angry forever; or so I'm told
Sitting here wishing for just an hour or two alone with you
Well, it's always too personal, always too close to comment
They all mention how tired you look, and you realize you haven't said a word in hours
I guess it's the things that I don't say

December 3, 2023 / penknifelovelife - On the Contary, Everything is Going to be Bad

The lampposts will burn as they witness each scene, where the chalk outlines
Mark the place where we once slept
The sweetest kisses come from killers
Wrap your hands around my waist, don't let go, hold your breath
The air is dead, turn the lights out on board
My dearest, we are make believe, hollow, with no eyes
Lets never let this stop
I will rock the sound of your heart tonight
I don't want to fall asleep in anyone else's arms
November / Counterfit - Better Late Than Never

"Don't act so interested... I'm not so interesting!
Those times that I opened up my mouth in hopes of saying something clever...
I promise I'll call... it's better late than never...

October albums
All the albums I've listened to in October. I use this to keep track of what I've listen to and what I've liked
2nd wave emo
Super Amusement Machine For Your Exciting Heart - Counterfit ★
Fighting Starlight - Benton Falls ★
Kill Them With Kindness - The Jealous Sound ★
From Finish to Starting Line - Counterfit ★
Regulate the Chemicals - twothirtyeight
Missing You Dearly - twothirtyeight
Eldritch Anisette - Eldritch Anisette
A Lull in Traffic - The Gloria Record
Amateurs and Professionals - Penfold
EndSerenading - Mineral
The Power of Failing - Mineral
The Moon Is Down - Further Seems Forever ★
Demure - Engine Down
Two Conversations - The Appleseed Cast

3rd wave emo/mall-emo/post-hardcore
Trust Us We Lie - A Heartwell Ending ★
A Heartwell Ending - A Heartwell Ending
Discovering the Waterfront - Silverstein
I Call This Abandonment - Chasing Victory
A Tragedy in Progress - Across Five Aprils
Alexisonfire - Alexisonfire
subseven the EP - subseven ★
Wires...And the Concept of Breathing - A Skylit Drive
If All Else Fails - for the horizon
We Wont Be Open To Fall - Forgotten Alibi
A Tragedy In Progress - Across Five Aprils
The Same Old Blood Rush With A New Touch - Cute Is What We Aim For ★
Translating the Name - Saosin ★
Survival Is for Cowards - The Casket Lottery
The Red Tree - Moneen
Deja Entendu - Brand New
If They Move... Kill Them - Fairweather
They're Only Chasing Safety - Underoath
Things Aren't So Beautiful Now - A Thorn For Every Heart

other 2000s emo
A to B Life - mewithoutYou
The Ugly Organ - Cursive
It's All Crazy! It's All False! It's All A Dream! It's Alright - mewithoutYou
Brother, Sister - mewithoutYou
No Kill No Beep Beep - Q and Not U
Domestica - Cursive
Burst and Bloom - Cursive
First Temple - Closure in Moscow
Relationship of Command - At the Drive-In ★
All Is Apologized For. All Is Forgiven - The Saddest Landscape

2000's pop punk?
All That We Needed - Plain White T's

4th/5th wave emo
2020 - Shin Guard ★
Calling the Dogs - Citizen
Where the Heart Is - Sweet Pill
1010Days, icantremeberyourlastwords, Im i alone or are you just being quiet - Zetaz
Keep You - Pianos Become the Teeth
Rooms of the House - La Dispute
Floral Green - Title Fight
Wildlife - La Dispute
A Brief Memoriam - Frail Body ★
Panorama - La Dispute
Searching For A Pulse/The Worth Of The World - La Dispute/Touché Amoré
armywives - armywives ★

The Shape of Punk to Come - Refused
The Argument - Fugazi
All That We Needed - Plain White T's
You'd Prefer an Astronaut - Hum
200 km/h in the Wrong Lane - t.A.T.u
Dangerous and Moving - t.A.T.u
Symbols - KMFDM ★
Adios - KMFDM
Hau Ruck - KMFDM

Get Up - NewJeans
New Jeans - NewJeans
Perfect Night - LE SSERAFIM

September 22, 2023 / In the last days of summer, when broken is easily fixed ♡

May 13, 2023 / 2001-2003 Brand New adjacent bands

In January of 2022 I listened to the entire soundtrack for Beer: The Movie and was led down a rabbit hole of early 2000's bands that were associated with BN mainly in the form of liner notes, tours, merchandise, who was in who's band, etc. In May of 2023 (aka literally right now) I finally decided to make a playlist of all these bands. Admittedly I only listened to the soundtrack once all the way through and just threw the good songs on a playlist and listened to that for over a year. Right now I'm really into Safely by Hot Rod Circuit and New Beginnings by Finch. And there's also that whole thing with The Rookie Lot turning into Brand New (don't forget One Last Goodbye!), Crime in Stereo, and The Movielife... and all those other Long Island bands (~~escape from Levittown~~). I'm also desperately looking for any Safety in Numbers songs outside of their split EP with BN T^T. Please know: before the 'tagline'(?) of this website was "straight from my heart", it was "If my mind's the weapon... my heart's the extra clip!", maybe a bit too long but it's still cool nonetheless. It comes from Jamestown by the Movielife, so that means there's probably an alternate timeline in which this site is called jamestown.net or maybe 40hourtrain.net or backtopenn.net
April 9, 2023 / Carissa's Wierd - Ignorant Piece of Shit

"Looking right around you and how will I know when you'll decide to jump, jump out of a window. Falling faster, I can imagine the ways you'd roll your eyes before you hit the ground.

Telling everyone you know, maybe I'll be bad for you, maybe you're too good for me. Everyone is getting screwed. I cant believe you called just to say that you were coming down. I like the way you roll your eyes right before you fall down.

On bended knee, will you marry me. And on November 16, everything was buried down."

April 9, 2023 / Mineral - Gloria + Parking Lot

"I just want to be something more than the mud in your eyes. I want to be the clay in your hands."

"I wouldn't mind if you took me in my sleep tonight, I wouldn't even put up a fight. I wouldn't care if you took it all away today, I'm sure I wouldn't even miss the pain. I'm nothing more than A grain of salt in the salt of the earth, and everything is grace. So come on with the darkness, come on with the fear. I've got to start somewhere, and it might as well be here. And when I'm finally naked and standing in the sunlight, I'll look back at all this selfishness and foolish pride, and laugh at myself"

April 9, 2023 / Brand New - I Will Play My Game Beneath The Spin Light

If you spent one minute looking at this site, then you'd know that I love Brand New more than anything. IIRC this is one of the first songs that got me into them.

"I've never felt so hollow. I'm an old abandoned church with broken pews and empty aisles. I won't see home till spring. I would kill for the Atlantic, but I'm paid to make girls panic while I sing."

"The harpoon is loaded. The cage is lowered. The water is red. We don't want what isn't ours. We won't let you in. You win, you win, you win."

March 12, 2023 / Title Fight - Like A Ritual

The key to making shitty days less shitty is listening to Title Fight alone in your car. Trust me!

"First time in a while that everything is fine. I'd lie to you; I've been lying to myself all the time."

March 5, 2023 / The Hotelier - Home Like Noplace Is There After nearly 10 years of listening to suicidal lyrics, I think this is the saddest album I've ever listened to (and it's amazing!) I believe the first time I heard this album was in the summer of 2015, and I sure am glad my ten-year-old self didn't understand a single word because I most definitely would have killed myself by now.

Favorite songs:
Your Deep Rest
Among the Wildflowers
Life in Drag

"You caved and you asked, "Is this coming of age?" As you climbed out the window, your face cold as stone. You lifted the towel, your wrist showed the bone. Held my breath in the ER, I swayed as I stood. I tried to stay steady, protect you the best that I could. And you pretended to sleep the entire ride home, but I heard you crying when you felt alone." - In Framing

My Chemical Romance

Brand New

Title Fight

Touche Amore

La Dispute Got this shirt when I saw them during the Wildlife 10th anniversary tour ♡ I've listened to La Dispute since ~2015 (aka when I was more of a child than I am now), so it really meant a lot to finally be able to go to one of their shows. I've only seen a couple of bands live, but La Dispute was BY FAR the best (...sorry Fall Out Boy)

Brand New

My Chemical Romance

Hot Mulligan

La Dispute

Modern Baseball This shirt was the only survivor of an event I dubbed "The Great Merch Purge of 2016", in which my parents realized that their child didn't quite fit in with other kids, and decided that the best solution would be to throw away all of my emo band merch... except for this shirt. The last time I wore in was in the summer of 2022. I haven't worn it since because I was really only a fan of Modern Baseball in 2015 and I feel like a phony wearing it now because I don't listen to them anymore

Fall Out Boy

My Chemical Romance

Bonus: rotten.com Not a band, I know. You may recognize this neat skeleton guy from my homepage... or rotten.com's homepage. I'm putting it here anyways because it's the coolest. The only person I've encountered who knows what it's from was the guy checking IDs at the La Dispute show
I'm not going to transcribe my spotify wrapped because it's kind of boring and everything can be seen on my last.fm, important thing is that I was in the top .001% listeners of The Academy Is...! My first thought was "How embarassing!", and my second thought was, "oh, that's actually kinda cool. they're a good band". Top artists & top track by them, quickly!

1. The Academy Is... You Might Have Noticed
2. Brand New Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades
3. La Dispute Nobody, Not Even the Rain
4. Say Anything Admit It!!
5. Armor For Sleep Car Underwater

Yes I know I'm a big fake and a garbage human being and a poser and all that because 3/5 of those songs are in the like top 3 of those bands' most popular songs. Hopefully next year I can prove myself as the ultimate elitist emo listener that I attempt to present myself as. (At least my top Brand New track on last.fm is Flying at Tree Level so anyone who goes to their top listeners automatically knows that I'm cooler than everyone...)
every song rec i've put on this site in the past year:
Judas Kiss The Academy Is...
Pour Yourself A Drink The Academy Is...
The More You Talk The Less I Hear Armor For Sleep
Nobody, Not Even the Rain La Dispute
like blood from a stone Old Gray
Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades Brand New
The Recluse Cursive
The Night Life The Starting Line
Dream to Make Believe Armor for Sleep
First Reactions After Falling Through the Ice La Dispute
Bianca Devins XO willow
After The Last Midtown Show The Academy Is...
SCENES FROM HIGHWAYS 1981-2009 La Dispute
Title Track Death Cab for Cutie
Art Official Touche Amore
Eau d' Bedroom Dancing Le Tigre
Dog Song Sweet Pill
Silencer mewithoutYou
Harder Harmonies La Dispute
Screaming Loathe
Honest Sleep Touche Amore
Same Logic/Teeth Brand New
Always and Never Silverstein

October Albums:
La Dispute Wildlife La Dispute Rooms of the House
Touché Amoré Parting The Sea Between Brightness And Me La Dispute Somewhere at the Bottom of the River Between Vega and Altair
Taking Back Sunday Tell All Your Friends Cute Is What We Aim For The Same Old Blood Rush With A New Touch
Taking Back Sunday Where You Want to Be Silverstein Discovering the Waterfront
Uffie Sex Dreams and Denim Jeans Cansei de Ser Sexy Cansei de Ser Sexy
The Pom-Poms The Pom-Poms Ladytron 604
Fall Out Boy From Under the Cork Tree Chicks On Speed Will Save Us All

November Albums:
Loathe I Let It In And It Took Everything Brand New The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me
Title Fight Shed La Dispute Somewhere at the Bottom of the River Between Vega and Altair
Sweet Pill Where the Heart Is Touché Amoré / La Dispute Searching For A Pulse / The Worth Of The World
Touché Amoré ...to the Beat of a Dead Horse Brand New Deja Entendu
La Dispute Panorama Touché Amoré Parting The Sea Between Brightness And Me

December Albums:
Silverstein Discovering the Waterfront Brand New Deja Entendu
IVE LOVE DIVE Brand New Daisy
An In-Depth Exploration of Everything I've Ever Liked (a.k.a why I am the way that I am, plus a cleverly disguised tribute to everyone who posted emo lyrics to tumblr in the year 2014, and a weak ode to songs that make my heart drop into my stomach because I associate them with my ten-year-old self)
unfinished work in progress
last updated: dec. 12
The length of that title is only further proof that I've spent an absurd amount of time analyzing everything Fall Out Boy's ever made. Thanks to Tumblr's archive system (seriously, I can see the last 8 years of my life on one webpage...), I have evidence that I listened to the following bands: Tiny Moving Parts, Brand New, Knuckle Puck, The World is a Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid to Die, Deafheaven
Of course there's also twenty one pilots, my chem, fall out boy... even yung lean, but that's what every 10 year old listens to these days (if my internet observations are correct). My individuality complex deserves better than that!

here's a recreation of what I think my topster would have looked like in 2016:

topster as of january 2023, very loosely organized
(click for higher quality)

27 Jan. 2024 song of the now:
the fall of troy - i just got this symphony goin'

the origin of 44caliber.net: