summaries:
Nov. 1: My computer is broken, used to know a group of people who weren't really "bullies", but were just super weird around me
Nov. 10: I really don't know what I'm doing when I'm putting pages together
Nov. 14: Brief rambling about the early 2000's emo scene, I hate social media
Nov. 17: A certain someone from my actual life is reading this and needs to go do something productive instead of putting all their time into keeping up with my online activity. Might reach out to some ex-friends.
Nov. 24: I don't want to go to college and rather work retail for the rest of my life (not really), new music page
Nov. 27: Spent nearly half of my life on Tumblr
Nov. 1: My computer is broken, used to know a group of people who weren't really "bullies", but were just super weird around me
Nov. 10: I really don't know what I'm doing when I'm putting pages together
Nov. 14: Brief rambling about the early 2000's emo scene, I hate social media
Nov. 17: A certain someone from my actual life is reading this and needs to go do something productive instead of putting all their time into keeping up with my online activity. Might reach out to some ex-friends.
Nov. 24: I don't want to go to college and rather work retail for the rest of my life (not really), new music page
Nov. 27: Spent nearly half of my life on Tumblr
TL;DR: My computer is broken, used to know a group of people who weren't really "bullies", but were just super weird around me
Every 2-3 weeks I back up my files on a flash drive because I'm so scared that one day my computer's just not going to turn on. Sometimes the easiest way to get rid of the screen static issue is to shut my laptop and open it again 20 seconds later, and I did this earlier and my computer shut off and wouldn't turn on for about 2 hours. My computer gets worse and worse each day, and my worst fear is that I'll lose the work in progress pages for this website because I didn't back them up in time.
Once in a while I remember that when I was in 7th grade I'd ride the bus to and from school, and all the elementary school students sat in the front, and the middle school students sat in the back, and I had the misfortune of everyone sitting in the back with me just so happened to be the group of friends who would always tease me. Sometimes I feel like I was just repulsive because people have started to say that when someone is hated or bullied, then they must be really insufferable for that many people to dislike them. I think the reason that this select group of people didn't like me was because I was (am) awful with social skills / social queues, and they thought it was the funniest thing in the world.
So everyday I'd sit by myself while this group of about 6 people would sit in the seats around me, and I'd just read books, and every five or ten minutes someone would start asking me these kind-of normal questions about things I like and the book I was reading, but then as soon as we'd finish out 30 second conversation they'd all start giggling which I'm still pretty confused about nearly five years later. But one day only one of them was on the bus, and I was reading my book as usual, and then suddenly he just started showing me photos and videos of his dog and neither of us said anything and it was kind of a weird but wholesome moment. And I remember this once in a while and it's just so strange to me, but at the same time that was probably the nicest thing that someone besides my mom has done (IRL I mean, the people I've interacted with on neocities have all been really nice).
Once in a while I remember that when I was in 7th grade I'd ride the bus to and from school, and all the elementary school students sat in the front, and the middle school students sat in the back, and I had the misfortune of everyone sitting in the back with me just so happened to be the group of friends who would always tease me. Sometimes I feel like I was just repulsive because people have started to say that when someone is hated or bullied, then they must be really insufferable for that many people to dislike them. I think the reason that this select group of people didn't like me was because I was (am) awful with social skills / social queues, and they thought it was the funniest thing in the world.
So everyday I'd sit by myself while this group of about 6 people would sit in the seats around me, and I'd just read books, and every five or ten minutes someone would start asking me these kind-of normal questions about things I like and the book I was reading, but then as soon as we'd finish out 30 second conversation they'd all start giggling which I'm still pretty confused about nearly five years later. But one day only one of them was on the bus, and I was reading my book as usual, and then suddenly he just started showing me photos and videos of his dog and neither of us said anything and it was kind of a weird but wholesome moment. And I remember this once in a while and it's just so strange to me, but at the same time that was probably the nicest thing that someone besides my mom has done (IRL I mean, the people I've interacted with on neocities have all been really nice).
TL;DR: I really don't know what I'm doing when I'm putting pages together
Fixed the centering on some pages because I realized they didn't look right when I pulled up this website on different monitors. Almost every page on this website had like 200px of empty space at the top and you'd have to scroll down to see everything. Still need to fix my about page (which should be pretty easy I hope) and "stolen from some great writer", which I haven't updated in forever, and just recently noticed that the text extends completely out of the containers. That's one of the first pages I made for this site and I'm like 70% sure that I just made a container with a white background, and then put the text in a div layered on top of the background div instead of inside the div... embarrasing!
also the background image disappeared while I was attempting to fix the page :(
also the background image disappeared while I was attempting to fix the page :(
November 14, 2022
TL;DR: Brief rambling about the early 2000's emo scene, I hate social media
TL;DR: Brief rambling about the early 2000's emo scene, I hate social media
Spent today watching Fight Club, making a new about page because the old one didn't fit in with the aesthetic of the rest of this website, and reading The Catcher in the Rye.
Started listening to Northstar again because I suddenly remembered them after seeing John Nolan wearing their merch during some TBS show in 2002.
I was super obsessed with them at the start of 2022, but stopped caring because a month later I remembered how good La Dispute was.
Finally deleted Instagram because I never had a reason to use it except to talk to people from my school. I don't see the point in talking to people I already know IRL online. Phone calls are cool but nobody seems to be into those anymore.
I always write things on this page and delete certain sentences the next day. I envy good writers!
One more thing: I remembered one out of the three people that I'm still friends with. When I was cleaning out old papers I found a sappy letter she had written to me for Christmas. I turned it around and there seemed to be an aggresive, work in progress poem half-erased on the back. Can't believe it took me two years to notice that. I listened to one of her Spotify playlists the other day and noticed she put all of Science Fiction by Brand New on it. Something about that was just interesting to me.
Finally deleted Instagram because I never had a reason to use it except to talk to people from my school. I don't see the point in talking to people I already know IRL online. Phone calls are cool but nobody seems to be into those anymore.
I always write things on this page and delete certain sentences the next day. I envy good writers!
One more thing: I remembered one out of the three people that I'm still friends with. When I was cleaning out old papers I found a sappy letter she had written to me for Christmas. I turned it around and there seemed to be an aggresive, work in progress poem half-erased on the back. Can't believe it took me two years to notice that. I listened to one of her Spotify playlists the other day and noticed she put all of Science Fiction by Brand New on it. Something about that was just interesting to me.
TL;DR: A certain someone from my actual life is reading this and needs to go do something productive instead of putting all their time into keeping up with my online activity. Might reach out to some ex-friends.
I fear someone I know irl might have found this site ;-; I'm super anxious about who it might be and how they found it. Deleting this site and all other social media is my last resort. I really don't want to have to do that, but I've had some strange experiences with people I know irl finding what I do online.
Currently working on a page dedicated to Brand New, I really like how it looks right now, and it should be finished within the next week (depending on how motivated I am in the next few days). Went out and got some new shoes and a switchblade. I've been thinking about messaging this girl I've been friends with for a really long time that I don't talk to that much anymore (not that we had some over dramatic falling out or anything, just fell out of contact). Someone else I know always goes on and on about how "crazy" she is, but she says that about everyone. I guess I do that too though. I'm insufferable in the same way that everyone I talk about on here is. Suuuper excited to finish the Brand New page, I think it's one of the best pages I've made so far.
"next time you cut ties, go a little deeper."
Currently working on a page dedicated to Brand New, I really like how it looks right now, and it should be finished within the next week (depending on how motivated I am in the next few days). Went out and got some new shoes and a switchblade. I've been thinking about messaging this girl I've been friends with for a really long time that I don't talk to that much anymore (not that we had some over dramatic falling out or anything, just fell out of contact). Someone else I know always goes on and on about how "crazy" she is, but she says that about everyone. I guess I do that too though. I'm insufferable in the same way that everyone I talk about on here is. Suuuper excited to finish the Brand New page, I think it's one of the best pages I've made so far.
"next time you cut ties, go a little deeper."
TL;DR: I don't want to go to college and rather work retail for the rest of my life (not really), new music page
The other day I got a letter saying I got a scholarship that pays for half of the tuition for one of the best schools in the state. I don't think I want to go. I thought I was really into math and science and all that until I started my senior year and couldn't pick up pre-calculus and physics. My parents are really pushing me to go into computer science (mainly because they think my decent HTML means I'll do well). I took CSC105 this summer, and it was surprisingly fun (it's also the only college course that I've ever really cared enough about to actually put effort into it). But I think the main reason I don't want to go is because I'm really fucking retarded and I don't think my parents have realized that yet.
I might try to get a job at CVS after I learn how to drive, since I feel really guilty whenever my parents spend money on me (thank you mom and dad for funding my obsession with music, even though I'm God awful at playing instruments despite having tried to learn for years ♥)
New layout for the music page, I really like it. The problem is that when I come up with a new layout that I really like, I get the urge to change everything on my site. I think the most I'll do though is just change the fonts on certain pages. I do plan on redoing the lyrics / quotes / whatever page. I really can't stand how it looks. It's also the page with the least effort put into it (but that's pretty obvious)
Goodnight friends, I'm going to go listen to Touché Amoré and redo my English quizzes to get my grade up just in case I severely fuck up on my final exams or something
I might try to get a job at CVS after I learn how to drive, since I feel really guilty whenever my parents spend money on me (thank you mom and dad for funding my obsession with music, even though I'm God awful at playing instruments despite having tried to learn for years ♥)
New layout for the music page, I really like it. The problem is that when I come up with a new layout that I really like, I get the urge to change everything on my site. I think the most I'll do though is just change the fonts on certain pages. I do plan on redoing the lyrics / quotes / whatever page. I really can't stand how it looks. It's also the page with the least effort put into it (but that's pretty obvious)
Goodnight friends, I'm going to go listen to Touché Amoré and redo my English quizzes to get my grade up just in case I severely fuck up on my final exams or something
TL;DR: Spent nearly half of my life on Tumblr
This morning I got an email reading "stolen from some great writer turned 8 today! We hope it was a great year, and we look forward to sharing many more!"... aka my tumblr account turned 8 years old today...
1. I was NINE years old when I made my tumblr D:
2. Next year I turn 18 and my account will be 9 years old, meaning that I will officially have spent half of my life on tumblr
3. Why was 2014 8 years ago? My brain is stuck in 2018...
I'm a bit upset at my ten year old self for deleting every post on my blog in September of 2015. One of the oldest posts that's still up is a screenshot of Skillet from 12oz. Mouse (♥) and I mention it being my 100th post in the tags... I want to see what those first 100 posts were!
1. I was NINE years old when I made my tumblr D:
2. Next year I turn 18 and my account will be 9 years old, meaning that I will officially have spent half of my life on tumblr
3. Why was 2014 8 years ago? My brain is stuck in 2018...
I'm a bit upset at my ten year old self for deleting every post on my blog in September of 2015. One of the oldest posts that's still up is a screenshot of Skillet from 12oz. Mouse (♥) and I mention it being my 100th post in the tags... I want to see what those first 100 posts were!