The world is a beautiful place, but we have to make it that way
Whenever you find home, we'll make it more than just a shelter
And if everyone belongs there, it will hold us all together
If you're afraid to die, then so am I




"I don't see what women see in other women," I told Doctor Nolan in my interview that noon. "What does a woman see in a woman that she can't see in a man?"

Doctor Nolan paused. Then she said, "Tenderness."

That shut me up.




Die in your bedroom. Turn on a record and open your desk drawer and slit your wrists eighteen times, one for every candle on the cake downstairs. Curl up on your floor and apologise repeatedly for the mess you're leaving behind and the presents you didn't open.




I showed my dog my iPhone 5 and she said
"this is as large as a phone ever needed to be,
your kind's waste is intolerable and you have turned
our paradise amongst the stars into a tomb".





What difference does this difference in age make?
I know how it ends... she'll kill me quick!
Call homicide, take the case to court
Her lips taste like a loaded gun
And I'm her number one chalk outline on the floor

They hung her from the bridge on Monday
The gathering turned into a mob out on the lawn
They dropped her body in the river
And school and work returned to normal before long...




this is the grace only we can bestow
this is the price you pay for loss of control
this is the break in the bend
this is the closest of calls
this is the reason you're alone
this is the rise and the fall!





All of my darkness is a result of my own creation, it is the fruit of my thoughts planted continuously and with too much repetition.




But all the while he's playing there's a humming
Coming up and through the window from outside.
And even he has to admit a certain melody in it,
But then why can't he harmonize?

It's like the city's got it's own song but he can't play along.
He sees the notes as they fly by, but always plays them wrong.
And in the bathroom it gets blurry, gets warm and distorted,
Like light pushed the orange of the pillbox he poured in his palm.
It falls to the floor, he smiles as it hits,
"Sounds a little like an instrument"




"Up home we wear a hat like that to shoot dear in, for Chrissake," he said. "That's a deer shooting hat."

"Like hell it is." I took it off and looked at it. I sort of closed one eye, like I was taking aim at it. "This is a people shooting hat," I said. "I shoot people in this hat."




In the winter on the porch
In the window of the door
I watch in the kitchen with your notebook open
Frozen in the cold when I come back with wine
At the end of every long night
Take a moment you need to just breathe

Weeks and months go by like this
We function on routines
We sleep, we eat, we read
We eat, we drink, we sleep
You give me strength to fix myself
I gave you tokens, toys, and gifts to help you grieve

"Kill me by surprise,"
You said, "I don't want to stay alive"

Winter, we huddled in anger
Spring, sadness sinking in
Summer, accept all departures
Then autumn, start again

Rhodonite for stress relief
Promethazine for sleep
A rabbit toy for children
My deep condolences





I've been watching a slow thaw come around
I've been waiting in the cold and hazy blue
I've been driving alone out to the edge of town
I've been thinking to much of you

I've been thinking of exile
I've been thinking hit the highway and head up North
I've been thinking cross the bridge and don't turn back
The only warmth is a warmth alone




this is me with the words on the tip of my tongue any my eye through the scope down the barell of a gun
this is you trying hard to make sure that you're seen with a girl on your arm and your heart on your sleeve




in the mirror with your eyes wide
trace outlines ask for wine
but you never look away when you do
your eyes don't move; i never move mine from you
and i watch you, your reversal
it's an honest thing when there's no one there
some days they feel like dress rehearsals
some days i watch and you don't care
there are moments here only yours and mine
tiny dots on an endless timeline





you call that love, not because it is, but because you want it to be because you're so goddamned lonely, so goddamned unable to handle the ocean roar in your ears when you're alone. you tell yourself that the ash in your lungs is as good as a kiss goodnight, and you write poems about the smoke tendrils whispering off her lips. how beautiful they are, how like the aching arms of god you always wanted them to be.

and then there's another blade. and there's another bottle of pills. a fifth of vodka. a hospital visit. two weeks of inpatient while your whole family prays for you to get better.




plaid skirts that hide love, walk in single file, ties that restrict blood from the brain.
passing notes in math class, it's a coming of age story. freedom wears the scars of desire.

conflicting impulses.

anxious eyes stare out of warped glass, waiting for the three o'clock bell.

I'm trying hard to forget that cold October day, when Love challenged Freedom to a fist fight. Freedom looked victorious, but no one was expecting the outcome on that baseball diamond... When Love reached beneath her plaid jumper, pulled out a switch blade, and drove it directly through the heart of St. Angeles.

any notion of self-government was left by love bleeding on the pitcher's mound.




your stomach's filled up but you're starved for conversation
you're spending all the night's growing old in your bed
and you're tearing up your photos because you want to forget
it's over




always feel astonished

when i was younger i was sure i was from another planet. i felt sent here from another world. only i had forgotten my mission. i had forgotten how to call home.

only to realize that i was as normal as the boy to my right or left

now you have the whole world at your feet and you can't find the words to say.

it feels the same.

now they boo

this towns dry and i aint talking about

oil

or

booze


its

love



Left Column:
01. Getting Sodas - The World is a Beautiful Place & I am No Longer Afraid to Die
02. The Bell Jar
03. spacebuns.tumblr.com
04. found on r/internet_funeral but i'm not sure the actual source T^T
05. Sudden Death in Carolina - Brand New
06. Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't - Brand New
07. Jodi Arias
08. Harder Harmonies - La Dispute
09. The Catcher in the Rye
10. RHODONITE AND GRIEF - La Dispute
11. Safer in the Forest/Love Song for Poor Michigan - La Dispute
12. Timberwolves At New Jersey - Taking Back Sunday
13. Woman (In Mirror) - La Dispute
14. like blood from a stone - Old Gray
15. A Dagger Through the Heart of St. Angeles - Alexisonfire
16. Soco Amaretto Lime - Brand New
17. Pete Wentz livejournal

Right Column:
photo: webkizpossum.tumblr.com
01. girlsblood.tumblr.com
02. Cover Up - Name Taken 03. The Church of Euthanasia
04. Pete Wentz livejournal
05. Mayday Parade
06. Fairmount - La Dispute
07. Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't - Brand New
08. Rigged and Ready - Northstar
09. Title credit to Fall Out Boy, poem credit to Ryan Ross (from livejournal I believe)
10. Fairmount - La Dispute
11. Fairmount - La Dispute
12. like blood from a stone - Old Gray
13. I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me - Fall Out Boy
14. Bonus Mosh Pt.II - Taking Back Sunday
15. The No Seatbelt Song - Brand New
16. lolcow.farm
17. rotten.com


spill your blood for the natural world, you owe it more than you're giving it
wrap your wrists in gauze, fill your heart with cause, whether it's real or not
do something for your country! join the church of euthanasia! it's easy! it's patriotic! it's fashionable! save the planet! kill yourself!
one day you will love me, medicate yourselves
you be the anchor that keeps my feet on the ground, i'll be the wings that keep your heart in the clouds
oh crashing aeroplane, where were you the day she left me?
i just want to believe, i just want to believe, i just want to believe (...in us)
Raccoon eyed and skin whiter than heaven's best fighter. I wish I was missing...
do your part to save the scene
and i feel nothing anymore, so just keep walking away. thirty-thousand steps. i'll watch you for every second and never feel alone.
lay your scars out in rows, it was my weakness that couldn't save us
He's a cruel boy, with eyes like shotguns and razorwire
douse yourself in cheap perfume it's so fitting for the way you are, can't cover it up.
"can't you, can't you feel it, rolling off your lips, tensing up your shoulders, come on... well it's love, make it hurt!"
but how could i miscalculate... perfect eyes will have perfect aim
She's leaving the internet in a very "I'm going to go off myself, woe is me!" way. Hopefully she did but who knows.
Critics hail impending armageddon as "Feel-Good apocalypse of millenium"
feeling loveless?