September 10, 2023
I kind of got bored of the whole social aspect of neocities, which I guess is a good thing because I'm starting to feel like I'm working on this website for myself, rather than trying to impress other people with how cool I am. Admittedly I still get a little envious with how good other people's websites are. Got the photos page fixed and uploaded a bunch of pictures. I hate that I have so many abandoned pages on here. I think the worst one is the Sakura page, which I only made the basic layout to and then neglected to actually write anything. It's so bad I might just unlink it from my homepage. The Stephanie page is unfinished as well and in all honesty I'm not sure how much I still need to add, I don't think it's much though. Music, links, CD/record collection, and photocard collection are also completely abandoned. CoE page is also unfinished but there's already a lot on there so I don't think it's as bad. I think the next page I'm going to finish is the Valentine's Day page because I think it's the most interesting and I've got some more ideas for it that I'm excited to write about.
I have a pretty long list of books I want to look for, and I have no clue how many would be at my local library (I think I'll be lucky if any of them are...). I recently checked out Sue Klebold's book but didn't get very far in. I've never really been interested in Columbine like so many other people are.
August 31st, 2023
I had a diary on here for about a year (it's still up, just not linked anywhere), I may put some of the things I wrote on here again, but as of right now I'm yet to read any of them again. This page is going to replace Stolen From Some Great Writer, just because I like this format better.
I had a diary on here for about a year (it's still up, just not linked anywhere), I may put some of the things I wrote on here again, but as of right now I'm yet to read any of them again. This page is going to replace Stolen From Some Great Writer, just because I like this format better.
September 19th, 2001
Today I did two things I'm not very proud of. First, I made myself throw up all the food I ate today, secondly, I bought razor blades and cut with them. I'm sick and tired of justifying it to myself, so I guess I'll only say I had a bad day. I must have had.
Oh, I dunno. I feel so old. I didn't mean to end up like this. I suppose I just wanted something different. I don't know. It's been... bad, in some ways. I don't quite know what to say. I just wanted... to tell this to someone. Nobody listens though. And I suppose I shouldn't mind.
And, well, I really don't know if all this is worth it. Last night I thought it would've been a good night to kill myself. I don't know why. everything's just hazy and unreal, and I want out of this life. And I'm not even sure why.
Written by Leena, who committed suicide on October 18th, 2001. R.I.P. ♡
Today I did two things I'm not very proud of. First, I made myself throw up all the food I ate today, secondly, I bought razor blades and cut with them. I'm sick and tired of justifying it to myself, so I guess I'll only say I had a bad day. I must have had.
Oh, I dunno. I feel so old. I didn't mean to end up like this. I suppose I just wanted something different. I don't know. It's been... bad, in some ways. I don't quite know what to say. I just wanted... to tell this to someone. Nobody listens though. And I suppose I shouldn't mind.
And, well, I really don't know if all this is worth it. Last night I thought it would've been a good night to kill myself. I don't know why. everything's just hazy and unreal, and I want out of this life. And I'm not even sure why.
Written by Leena, who committed suicide on October 18th, 2001. R.I.P. ♡
I enjoy self pity. It gives me great delight to pity myself. I am a realist, a strict one. I never, ever, ever lie to myself in order to make myself feel better or more comfortable. I think this may be my best, strongest trait. I also, like many other people, find it pleasurable to be sad. I 'get off' on it. I wonder why so many people enjoy being sad. I think it may be that they can be sad while remaining comfortable. So they can experience sadness without hardship, and therefore can feel a strong emotion, that much of the time is easier to induce than happiness, without suffering.........any real injury from it.
Sadness is considered a bad feeling. x
Sadness is considered a bad feeling. x
There's banging on the wall. It's 5 am, I've got no sleep at all.
Just thoughts of how I might struggle through tomorrow
Too much time in one day, too much time to occupy
With boring thoughts
And boring moods
And boring bedtimes
Won't tell a single soul that my soul's gone
I might be leaving soon....
My life is full of what's not here
I'll go away and save myself
Just thoughts of how I might struggle through tomorrow
Too much time in one day, too much time to occupy
With boring thoughts
And boring moods
And boring bedtimes
Won't tell a single soul that my soul's gone
I might be leaving soon....
My life is full of what's not here
I'll go away and save myself
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know when to give up and end it all.
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know when to give up and end it all.