September 10, 2023
I kind of got bored of the whole social aspect of neocities, which I guess is a good thing because I'm starting to feel like I'm working on this website for myself, rather than trying to impress other people with how cool I am. Admittedly I still get a little envious with how good other people's websites are. Got the photos page fixed and uploaded a bunch of pictures. I hate that I have so many abandoned pages on here. I think the worst one is the Sakura page, which I only made the basic layout to and then neglected to actually write anything. It's so bad I might just unlink it from my homepage. The Stephanie page is unfinished as well and in all honesty I'm not sure how much I still need to add, I don't think it's much though. Music, links, CD/record collection, and photocard collection are also completely abandoned. CoE page is also unfinished but there's already a lot on there so I don't think it's as bad. I think the next page I'm going to finish is the Valentine's Day page because I think it's the most interesting and I've got some more ideas for it that I'm excited to write about.

I have a pretty long list of books I want to look for, and I have no clue how many would be at my local library (I think I'll be lucky if any of them are...). I recently checked out Sue Klebold's book but didn't get very far in. I've never really been interested in Columbine like so many other people are.
August 31st, 2023
I had a diary on here for about a year (it's still up, just not linked anywhere), I may put some of the things I wrote on here again, but as of right now I'm yet to read any of them again. This page is going to replace Stolen From Some Great Writer, just because I like this format better.
September 19th, 2001
Today I did two things I'm not very proud of. First, I made myself throw up all the food I ate today, secondly, I bought razor blades and cut with them. I'm sick and tired of justifying it to myself, so I guess I'll only say I had a bad day. I must have had.

Oh, I dunno. I feel so old. I didn't mean to end up like this. I suppose I just wanted something different. I don't know. It's been... bad, in some ways. I don't quite know what to say. I just wanted... to tell this to someone. Nobody listens though. And I suppose I shouldn't mind.

And, well, I really don't know if all this is worth it. Last night I thought it would've been a good night to kill myself. I don't know why. everything's just hazy and unreal, and I want out of this life. And I'm not even sure why.

Written by Leena, who committed suicide on October 18th, 2001. R.I.P. ♡
I enjoy self pity. It gives me great delight to pity myself. I am a realist, a strict one. I never, ever, ever lie to myself in order to make myself feel better or more comfortable. I think this may be my best, strongest trait. I also, like many other people, find it pleasurable to be sad. I 'get off' on it. I wonder why so many people enjoy being sad. I think it may be that they can be sad while remaining comfortable. So they can experience sadness without hardship, and therefore can feel a strong emotion, that much of the time is easier to induce than happiness, without suffering.........any real injury from it.

Sadness is considered a bad feeling. x
I am in bed, so depressed I cannot get out of bed. My life is wasted. I have no friends even though I am cool. I am going back to sleep.
next time you cut ties, go a little deeper / spill your blood for the natural world, you owe it more than you're giving it / wrap your wrists in gauze, fill your heart with cause, whether it's real or not / one day you will love me, medicate yourselves / God is Love and Love is real / Save my life tonight / Take two years and call me when you're better / you be the anchor that keeps my feet on the ground, i'll be the wings that keep your heart in the clouds / The Archers' Bows Have Broken / i just want to believe, i just want to believe, i just want to believe ( us) / Raccoon eyed and skin whiter than heaven's best fighter. I wish I was missing... / I slice my wrists by way of paper scars and pictures frames / lay your scars out in rows, it was my weakness that couldn't save us / I just want to be something more than the mud in your eyes. I want to be the clay in your hands. / Explosive personalities, self-centeredness / but how could i miscalculate... perfect eyes will have perfect aim / You lie through your teeth, and you smile in your sleep!
There's banging on the wall. It's 5 am, I've got no sleep at all.
Just thoughts of how I might struggle through tomorrow
Too much time in one day, too much time to occupy
With boring thoughts
And boring moods
And boring bedtimes
Won't tell a single soul that my soul's gone
I might be leaving soon....
My life is full of what's not here
I'll go away and save myself
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know when to give up and end it all.
this is the grace only we can bestow
this is the price you pay for loss of control
this is the break in the bend
this is the closest of calls
this is the reason you're alone
this is the rise and the fall!
Hide behind your crystal screen and blow kisses at me
Go write your name on my chest in kerosene
Spark a match, and you won't be cold again
Coldest eyes, and the softest touch
(Those three words destroyed Every inch of me yet you keep speaking)