Earlier this year I recieved an email which began, "I stumbled over your .44 Caliber site quite by accident. I wasn't injured. There was no visible damage to your web site. There is no need to involve lawyers."
He then provided me with every issue of "The Fantastic Life and Suicide of Mister Mary Holiday".
The following was also attached, "for your viewing pleasure, here are some Mad Hatter quotes from his Usenet days:"

x ------------------------------------------------------ x

In a previous posting, Tell (tell@netcom8.netcom.com) writes:
> In article ad423@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Brad Turcotte) writes:
>>
>> In a previous posting, Tell (tell@netcom17.netcom.com) writes:
>>
>> > MHM:0x0
>>
>> Slacker.
>>
>> MH.
>
> Oh nice, I finally stop lurking and I get insulted. This should really
> make all the other lurkers real comfortable about coming out of the
> closet. Well, I am a slacker tho'.

But see, even the most terrified lurker could have said, 'Slacker? I
don't even know her! HA HA HA HA.' And there you go. Instant
acceptance. It's really not hard to be accepted to the Mad Hatter Fan
Club.. Possibly the dumbest clique in the world. In order to be in you
must be out because cliques suck.

MH.

x ------------------------------------------------------ x

In a previous posting, Susan A. Wilson (SAWILSON@UNCAVX.unca.edu) writes:
> In ad423@FreeNet.Carleton.CA writes:
>
>>
>> For next Christmas somebody get me the crazy little purple bird in the
>> Letter G song off of Sesame Street. Make sure it eats flowers, has an
>> orange beak and sings much like I'd expect Steven Wright to if he ever
>> decided to.
>>
>> Thanks!
>>
>> MH.
>
> and just who in the hell is Steven Wright?

Possibly God were God prone to dressing in black and well.. balding.

MH.

x ------------------------------------------------------ x

In a previous posting, Scott Dorsey (kludge@netcom.com) writes:
> Here is why:
>
> 1. Canada is a foreign country, JUST LIKE RUSSIA AND LIBYA!
>
> 2. Canadians use the metric system, a dangerous scheme that encourages
> Americans to drive too fast on Canadian roads!
>
> 3. Canadians use weird screws that take square screwdrivers. You can
> put them in with an Allen wrench, but if you want to get them out, you
> need to buy an expeinsive driver that is ONLY AVAILABLE IN CANADA!
>
> 4. Winter is very cold in Canada, JUST LIKE IN MOSCOW!

You didn't do your research, you crazy American. We also have weird
dollar coins and beavers on our nickels.

The beavers are there in respect to our VAST BEAVER ARMY. Which, if
America or any other country with strange hippie accents, should try and
kill or invade us would be unleashed onto your petty little country.

It's one of our amazing secret weapons. If America ever decides
to take over Canada we'll unleash our army of giant, magical bears and
show them that the Northwest Territories _are_ good for something.
Magical bear testing.

Canadians are normally a very happy breed of people, but when taunted we
become deliriously violent and creative with our wildlife.

I do, however, happen to be one of the only Canadians around that isn't
embarrassed wearing earmuffs. Specifically pink bunny ones.

Note: I almost said 'punk binny ones.' The dyslexia pills aren't working
that well anymore.

MH.

x ------------------------------------------------------ x

In a previous article, dazed@gwis2.circ.gwu.edu (John Nowicki) says:

> I'm not as witty as the Mad Hatter, but I try. By the way, I also know
> that you are not as witty as any of the rest of us, you just think you
> are.

I owe it all to the Wit Sharpener From RonCo.

MH.

x ------------------------------------------------------ x

T H E M A D H A T T E R
f r e q u e n t l y a s k e d q u e s t i o n s

Last updated: November 20, 1994.


1. "Why is the FAQ so short?"

Because I haven't written it yet.

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