April 2026
I don't know if I have something wrong with my brain or what, but it's been hard for me to get all the way through books without abandoning them, and I've had little interest in watching films in the past two months. I'm sure watching movies isn't as beneficial to my brain as reading or doing anything creative, but it'd probably be better than sitting in silence, dissociated because of the lethargy.
This month I picked back up My Year of Rest and Relaxation, AKA one of the "girlblogging" essentials besides The Bell Jar, which is one of my favorite books. I can sort of see where the comparisons come from. Two books about depressed, beautiful young women whose mental states have gotten so bad that they withdraw from society and live in a limbo-type state. However, there's something so beautiful about The Bell Jar that My Year of Rest and Relaxation simply lacks. [Spoilers ahead, although I don't know if this book could really be spoiled.] The protagonist of My Year of Rest and Relaxation is a woman who seems to just feel a general resentment towards the world around her. Her parents are dead, her kinda (not really) boyfriend is over her, and she hates her perhaps only friend. The solution is to find a psychiatrist willing to prescribe endless amounts of various sleep medications, then sleep a whole year away. I think this book will resonate with any depressed recluse, such as myself. That doesn't necessarily make it good, though. Calling it boring or mundane feels like such dumb, surface-level critique, but really there isn't a lot that happens in this book, which leads to it feeling very repetitive. The more interesting moments come in the brief glimpses into the protagonist's psyche other than "oh my God I hate everyone I'm just going to sleep some more". For example, the scene in which she mentally replays her parents' deaths in order to try to make herself cry, which is unsuccessful. As someone who has basically slept away the better part of four years (although not to the same extent as our protaganist), this was unfortunately relatable, and the way she was able to force herself out of her depression after one year almost made me roll my eyes because it's written in a way that makes it sound so easy. It's shoved in the last little section of the book, how she slept for a few months longer and suddenly was fine, despite not really making much attempt at recovery in the few days she was awake. One thing that I find interesting is that despite the title, "My Year of Rest and Relaxation", and the fact that she sleeps throughout so much of the book, there's a sort of underlying anxiety and restlessness throughout the whole thing, or at least that's how I feel. Perhaps it's me, as the reader, caring more about the fact that the protaganist's life is spiraling out of control than the protaganist herself does. If any of this sounds interesting to you, then it wouldn't hurt you to read it. It's a fairly short and easy to read book.
Music:
On repeat:
The Blood Brothers - entire discography
Perhaps I’m one of few people to have been a fan of Jaguar Love before ever listening to The Blood Brothers. Since getting into them I’ve been conditioned to always expect to hear Jordan and Johnny’s voices together, so now Jaguar Love/Neon Blonde/Head Wound City/Past Lives songs feel weirdly lonely to me. In my head they’re like two bonded puppies that can only be adopted together. Also I think about how they went through relentless homophobic heckling for years, and as it turns out not a single one of them is gay. “The Blood Brothers is the best homosexual music since George Michaels” - livejournal user whose username I don’t remember
This band has inspired me to dig my keyboard out of storage for the first time in probably a decade. Part of why I quit playing is because I felt that the music I enjoyed didn’t fit piano. Guess I wasn’t looking hard enough for stuff to play. “Every single piano I’ve ever met in my life never sounded as good as melted casio keys burning in a sea that sings out in 3-D”
Glassjaw - Worship and Tribute (as usual. on repeat since December of 2024…)
The Academy Is… - Almost Here
omygawd I finally saw them live and they played this album in full and OMYGAWD I met William Beckett and I’ll never shut up about it (and why should I?)
Panic! At The Disco - A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out
Used to be a huge fan of these guys years and years ago but these days I only really listen to AFYSCO. Maybe it’s time to go back and revisit the other albums?
Cursive - The Ugly Organ
This album, along with Domestica, finally grew on me once I read the lyrics while listening. Favorite track since first listen has always been Some Red-Handed Sleight of Hand
4/3:
Death From Above 1979 - Heads Up
Heavy Heavy Low Low - Fuck It?!
4/5: xbxrx - Sixth in Sixes
4/6: Orchid - Orchid
4/11: Ex Models - Zoo Psychology
4/12:
Neon Blonde - Chandeliers in the Savannah
All Leather - When I Grow Up I Want To Fuck Like A Girl
4/13: Abandoned Pools - Humanistic
4/17: Daughters - Canada Songs
4/25:
Dear Whoever - Sound The Trumpet
Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start - and Nothing is #1
Q And Not U - No Kill No Beep Beep
The Locust - Plague Soundscapes
Area 51 - Discography
This band has been cited multiple times as being one of the main influences of The Blood Brothers, and it’s very evident when you hear the vocalists. Includes members of the bands Murder City Devils, Death Wish Kids, Dead Low Tide, Modest Mouse, Big Business, and Pretty Girls Make Graves.
Black Eyes - Black Eyes
Showbread - No Sir, Nihilism Is Not Practical
Holy Molar/Ex Models - Split EP
Grace Gale - A Few Easy Steps To Secure Heli-Camel Safety
4/26:
Death Wish Kids - Discography
4/28:
The Great Redneck Hope - Behold The Fuck Thunder
The Great Redneck Hope - Splosion
The Sawtooth Grin - Cuddlemonster
He Is Legend - I Am Hollywood
Fashion Tops - I Wish You Every Success
Trash Fashion - Eat Our Skill!
weieieii - Weieieii
4/30:
Soiled Doves - Soiled Life
Vade - Vade
Vade - Saturn
Vade/Jough Dawn Baker - Split
Jough Dawn Baker - Jough Dawn Baker
The Vogue - The Vogue
HORSE the band- Beautiful Songs By Men
Recommendations from my Tumblr followers:
4/25: Aprils Love Affair - Self Titled
4/25: Aprils Love Affair - The Manner In Which I Scream Goodbye
Good but a bit generic sounding in my opinion. When I say generic I don’t at all mean it’s bad, but I feel like I’ve heard dozens of other (also good) post-hardcore bands that sound nearly identical to this. I think the memorable cover art for The Manner In Which I Scream Goodbye is a big contributor to the popularity of this EP. You see it on someone’s topster and listen because it looks interesting.
4/26: The Jonbenet - The Plot Thickens
Really liked this one, will need to listen through a few more times. Thought this was my first time but I guess I had already listened to it last month, enjoyed it much more on my second listen though. Favorite song as of right now is Behold, The White Whore
4/30: Soiled Doves - Soiled Life
Review to go here soon. Spent this month listening to basically everything Johnny Whitney has ever done. Perhaps I'll make up for it in May by listening to everything from Jordan Blilie.
If you recommended me anything via Tumblr before January of 2026 there's a good chance I lost it because my previous blog is now banned.