1:31 pm, February 24, 2024
Finally saw The Hotelier! First time I've ever truly cried at a concert. Got the set list after the show too :) I was never really into Foxing's music, but they were amazing live. I might start listening to them more.
I've been really sick for the past week. Feeling better today. Going to go buy Le Sserafim's album tomorrow, and maybe Twice's... as long as target has them... since I've been sick, I've had absolutely no appetite. I've been losing a bunch of weight uncontrollably for the past few months. I weighed myself this morning and I'm down to 90.3 pounds. I've stopped telling my parents my weight because they always nag me about it. For the record, I went to the doctor recently and got my blood checked and all and they said I was perfectly healthy.
My BMI is 14.6 according to the calculator I used (90.3 pounds, 5'6"). [Update April 3: Took out some very sappy writing about my parents] My highest BMI was 18, by the way. I don't have an eating disorder either, but I used to. I had an eating disorder when I was nine years old, how sad is that? That's when I started cutting myself too. I'd wear short sleeves and the teachers would look at my cuts, but never do anything about it.
Does that look like a 14.6 wrist to you?
The first time someone intervened was when I was in 8th grade. At that point, I was constantly wearing long sleeves to cover them. Somehow, another student noticed them and informed a teacher. I always think about that. Who was looking close enough to notice that? And really going through the effort of telling someone...
I was considering sending Dylann a letter. I don't know what I'm allowed to include in it though, since the prison might reject mail discussing his ideologies. In 2016 someone tried to send him The Turner Diaries, and it was sent back. Although, that was at the jail in North Carolina, not Terre Haute where he is now. Well, it probably doesn't help that it said "THIS IS RACIST PROPAGANDA AND INSPIRED THE OKLAHOMA CITY BOMBING", or something along those lines... Why does it matter though? There's no way for him to escape and try to kill more people. I'd like to ask him what he thinks about antinatalism and ecofascism. I feel like if I'm not allowed to talk about things like that, then my letter will be severly boring. Setting up a PO box seems like an annoying process. I don't feel like finding a second form of identification or whatever. Having to find my birth certificate or social security card. There's other things you can bring too, but I don't really have those. Also, all the post offices where I live are in parts of town that I'm really uncomfortable with going to. I'm not great at driving.
People love to say that antinatalism is eugenics, but it really isn't. Well, I guess I could see why people might think that... But parents who know that their genetics can cause their children to have a very severe disability just shouldn't breed, for the sake of the child. Parents of disabled children love to make a spectacle of it too. Sort of like a "look how good of a person I am!" It's especially fucking stupid when they have multiple children who end up with the same disability as well. I think parents who are told that they have a 1/4 chance of passing that gene to their child have the thought that if they have four children, only one of them will have a disability. So they have multiple children under the impression that after the disabled one, they'll have a "normal" one (although most of them won't want to admit that).
Same with parents who already have a shitty life situation. Why bring kids into your life where you're severely poor, have a bad relationship with the father or mother, or history of violent behavior that a child shouldn't be around? Like women who have several children all with different fathers, and the fathers aren't even in the picture for very long.
I desperately need to catch up on schoolwork. Since I was sick, I couldn't really form any coherent thought to work on anything. Also, nyquil doesn't taste as bad as people on the internet say.
I hate a lot of the things I say. I think I'll go back through the other days I wrote for and take some things out. Embedding mp3 files from my phone is difficult, so I'll do it later. Converting youtube videos to mp3 is a really annoying process, but I hate using spotify links. 1996 demo by Brand New and Among the Wildflowers by The Hotelier. That's what I'll put here. I think I already have those songs uploaded here too.
Edit: I didn't have Among the Wildflowers already uploaded like I thought I did so I put Discomfort Revisited instead
1. 1996
2. Discomfort Revisited