The world is a beautiful place, but we have to make it that way
Whenever you find home, we'll make it more than just a shelter
And if everyone belongs there, it will hold us all together
If you're afraid to die, then so am I

"Is this coming of age?" As you climbed out the window, your face cold as stone.
You lifted the towel, your wrist showed the bone.
Who taught you how to hate yourself? Who forced you to confide in spell? Mistook 'pathetic' for empathy

Cast a stone at the foe, and the stone hit me.

You said you're trapped in your body and getting deeper every day. They diagnosed you born that way.
And I found the notes you left behind. Little hints and helpless cries. Desperate wishing to be over.

I held your hand in ritual to show disarming while you were a weapon inside yourself.
Held my breath in the ER, I swayed as I stood.
I tried to stay steady, protect you the best that I could.

And you pretended to sleep the entire ride home
But I heard you crying when you felt alone

Part of your charm was the way you would push me from
All of the traps that I just couldn't see

Figures the one that was there to have tripped you up
Would be the one that was set there by me

Wish I was there to say goodbye when you went away
Wish I was home, but no place was there

I cut off my arm at the bone in solidarity
Capital teaches that there's less when you share
And I felt the noose tighten up on your collarbone
And I felt the gun in the small of your back

Engraved in the stone by request and recurse of friends dead
Is, "Tell me again that it's all in my head"

this is the grace only we can bestow
this is the price you pay for loss of control
this is the break in the bend
this is the closest of calls
this is the reason you're alone
this is the rise and the fall!

I watched the sun set in your eyes for the last time
I thought you died that night
You called to tell me you wouldn't survive

I would've given anything to be there
I could have sworn that I was
(It's not that I want to die,
I just want to disappear)

Winter has never felt like it lasted for so long
But I've grown used to the cold
And I know that you see there's no warmth where you are

So I embrace the parts of myself that I long to change
I embrace the parts that I hate because they remind me of when we were nearly the same

What difference does this difference in age make?
I know how it ends... she'll kill me quick!
Call homicide, take the case to court
Her lips taste like a loaded gun
And I'm her number one chalk outline on the floor

They hung her from the bridge on Monday
The gathering turned into a mob out on the lawn
They dropped her body in the river
And school and work returned to normal before long...

this is me with the words on the tip of my tongue and my eye through the scope down the barrel of a gun
this is you trying hard to make sure that you're seen with a girl on your arm and your heart on your sleeve

"I don't see what women see in other women," I told Doctor Nolan in my interview that noon. "What does a woman see in a woman that she can't see in a man?"

Doctor Nolan paused. Then she said, "Tenderness."

That shut me up.

I showed my dog my iPhone 5, and she said
"this is as large as a phone ever needed to be,
your kind's waste is intolerable and you have turned
our paradise amongst the stars into a tomb".

In the winter on the porch
In the window of the door
I watch in the kitchen with your notebook open
Frozen in the cold when I come back with wine
At the end of every long night
Take a moment you need to just breathe

Weeks and months go by like this
We function on routines
We sleep, we eat, we read
We eat, we drink, we sleep
You give me strength to fix myself
I gave you tokens, toys, and gifts to help you grieve

"Kill me by surprise,"
You said, "I don't want to stay alive"

Winter, we huddled in anger
Spring, sadness sinking in
Summer, accept all departures
Then autumn, start again

Rhodonite for stress relief
Promethazine for sleep
A rabbit toy for children
My deep condolences

in the mirror with your eyes wide
trace outlines ask for wine
but you never look away when you do
your eyes don't move; i never move mine from you
and i watch you, your reversal
it's an honest thing when there's no one there
some days they feel like dress rehearsals
some days i watch and you don't care
there are moments here only yours and mine
tiny dots on an endless timeline

Until the night when it got way too serious
And you showed me your damaged wrists
And you broke down and we embraced
And nothing at that time meant more to me
And if I had only known
That it would be the last time
We'd be on that level with one another
I would have never let you go

plaid skirts that hide love, walk in single file, ties that restrict blood from the brain.
passing notes in math class, it's a coming of age story. freedom wears the scars of desire.

conflicting impulses.

anxious eyes stare out of warped glass, waiting for the three o'clock bell.

I'm trying hard to forget that cold October day, when Love challenged Freedom to a fist fight. Freedom looked victorious, but no one was expecting the outcome on that baseball diamond... When Love reached beneath her plaid jumper, pulled out a switch-blade, and drove it directly through the heart of St. Angeles.

any notion of self-government was left by love bleeding on the pitcher's mound.

your stomach's filled up but you're starved for conversation
you're spending all the night's growing old in your bed
and you're tearing up your photos because you want to forget
it's over

I want so obviously, so desperately to be loved, and to be capable of love.
I am still so naive; I know pretty much what I like and dislike;
but please, don't ask me who I am. A passionate, fragmentary girl, maybe?

Left Column:
01. Getting Sodas - The World is a Beautiful Place & I am No Longer Afraid to Die
02. In Framing / Life in Drag / Your Deep Rest - The Hotelier
03. Dendron - The Hotelier
04. Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't - Brand New
05. Emily's First Communion - Old Gray
06. Sudden Death in Carolina - Brand New
07. Timberwolves At New Jersey - Taking Back Sunday
08. The Bell Jar
09. found on r/internet_funeral but i'm not sure the actual source T^T
11. Woman (In Mirror) - La Dispute
12. An Ode To The Nite Ratz Club - The Hotelier
13. A Dagger Through the Heart of St. Angeles - Alexisonfire
14. Soco Amaretto Lime - Brand New
15. The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

Right Column:
02. Cover Up - Name Taken
03. The Church of Euthanasia
04. Pete Wentz livejournal
05. Mayday Parade
06. Your Deep Rest - The Hotelier
07. Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't - Brand New
08. Rigged and Ready - Northstar
09. Title credit to Fall Out Boy, writing credit to Ryan Ross (from livejournal I believe)
10. Fairmount - La Dispute
11. Fairmount - La Dispute
12. Conor Oberst
13. I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me - Fall Out Boy
14. Bonus Mosh Pt.II - Taking Back Sunday
15. The No Seatbelt Song - Brand New
17. no idea ;-;
18. there's no 'i' in team - taking back sunday

spill your blood for the natural world, you owe it more than you're giving it
wrap your wrists in gauze, fill your heart with cause, whether it's real or not
do something for your country! join the church of euthanasia! it's easy! it's patriotic! it's fashionable! save the planet! kill yourself!
one day you will love me, medicate yourselves
you be the anchor that keeps my feet on the ground, i'll be the wings that keep your heart in the clouds
remember me for me, i need to set my spirit free
i just want to believe, i just want to believe, i just want to believe ( us)
Raccoon eyed and skin whiter than heaven's best fighter. I wish I was missing...
do your part to save the scene
and i feel nothing anymore, so just keep walking away. thirty-thousand steps. i'll watch you for every second and never feel alone.
lay your scars out in rows, it was my weakness that couldn't save us
Stop singing, that's my job. This isn't a fucking Dashboard Confessional show.
douse yourself in cheap perfume it's so fitting for the way you are, can't cover it up.
"can't you, can't you feel it, rolling off your lips, tensing up your shoulders, come on... well it's love, make it hurt!"
but how could i miscalculate... perfect eyes will have perfect aim
She's leaving the internet in a very "I'm going to go off myself, woe is me!" way. Hopefully she did but who knows.
next time you cut ties, go a little deeper
best friends means i pull the trigger, best friends means you get what you deserve!